A Square peg in a round hole.

The most common question I get asked by my friends is, 'what are the major cultural differences?'  I hate it when people ask me that question because the list of things is so long and exhaustive that it really can't be answered in a simple way.  Sometimes it feels like I have a whole heap of rules I need to learn and follow.  Other times it's an obstacle that Mena and I need to problem solve to get around. 

My favourite cultural difference to talk about it the way Egyptian, or Arabic people in general do their names.  It's totally different to the western traditions.  Western people have a first name that is given to them that is individual to the person.  Their second name is also individual to the person.  Oh yeah, I know, some people are named after relatives, but it's not a rule or a law that you have to do that.  Then your last name is your family name which is passed down from your father or bestowed upon you at marriage.  Now, Arabic names are generational, like reading the generations in the bible.  For instance, Mena's fathers name is Michael, his grandfathers name is Kamal and his great grandfathers name is Habib.  So, Mena's full name is Mena Michael Kamal Habib and our son if he is named Bob (which he won't be) will be called Bob Mena Michael Kamal.  They only list the first four names, otherwise it gets a little crazy.  What about the girls I hear you ask, yep, same with the girls.  If we have a girl and call her Gertrude(which we won't), then she will be called, Gertrude Mena Michael Kamal. 

Wives don't change their names to their husbands name, they keep their fathers name.  Which means that our family would have a father known as Mena Michael Kamal Habib and a mother know as Peggy Elizabeth Blachford and two children called Bob Mena Michael Kamal  and Gertrude Mena Michael Kamal.  All I can think of at this stage is "What a nightmare that will be when it comes to school forms and stuff like that".  How can we keep the Arabic tradition and the western tradition at the same time? 

Well, we both decided that I would take my husband's name (I'm a traditional kind of woman).  Mena was kind of chuffed with this idea and I think he liked me changing my name to his name.  We had 3 last names to choose from though, Michael, Kamal or Habib.  As I didn't like Kamal or Habib I chose Michael.  Now our kids will still have all the Arabic names but in Australia we will only state the first three, Bob Mena Michael and Gertrude Mena Michael.  It does mean that both our children will have the same middle name, but I think it's nice that we keep that tradition intact.  In Egypt they will learn to state all four of their names.  Problem solved! 

That is a good example of a cultural problem that we kind of worked out together.  However, when a western girl moves to an Arabic country some other adjustments need to be made (at least while I live here).  The most obvious ones include the clothes I wear.

·         I can't wear low necklines or capped sleeves.  My dresses and skirts should go past my knees.  I should try not to wear fitted things. 

·         Then there are rules about the house.  I'm not allowed to have a male in the house while Mena is not home, even if he comes to visit with his wife.  I'm not allowed to go and visit a house with a male in it without Mena with me, even if I'm going to visit the man's wife. 

·         I can't be visible in the house when a workman is visiting to fix stuff I have to hide in a room or go to my neighbour's house. 

·         I can't leave the house or go out of my building on my own; I have to go with Mena or a trusted friend. 

·         I can only greet woman with a hug and kiss on the cheek, never a man.  Can't even kiss my own husband on the cheek in public.

·         It's not appropriate to smile at someone you don't know in the street (you have no idea how often you do this without even realizing it).

Ok, so you think a lot of this stuff is a bit over the top, but, most of the rules are there just to protect you and keep you safe.  Some don't require that much effort at all.  I wasn't really put out too much by the rules regarding clothing as I was never the kind of person to wear short skirts anyway.  Other rules, like, not being able to go out without a friend is kind of hard for me.  I hate shopping with other girls.  I like taking my time on my own to go shopping.  I like the idea of going where I want when I want.  This rule has taken some time to adjust to. 

It pays to be flexible, adjust your expectations and don't hold on to stuff too tightly.  I've had to really evaluate what makes me who I am as well as consider what is important to Mena.  There are good things about some of these changes.  I really feel like I'm cared for, loved and protected at times, other times I can feel kind of restricted and limited, however, on the most part that has everything to do with your own attitude towards things.